Family: To Be Or Not To Be

Is family the most important thing in your life? Does your behavior reflect the answer to the first question?

I've been thinking about my personal answers to those questions lately.

I think about my experience growing up...how important my family was to me: the support and grounding they provided, the safe-haven to learn in, the only sure place of security (even with the challenges we faces together as a family.) Even in my teenage/college years, when I was much more independent and had "freedom" to do what I wanted, my family was still there to back me up.

Now I'm married, have five young boys and all that 'freedom' I had as a young man came to a screeching halt. Its one thing to be dependent on a family and another for the family to be dependent on you. Suddenly, I have to make many more sacrifices of my personal 'freedoms.' There are luxuries or hobbies or activities I've had to give up or wait on because my time, money, and sanity is reallocated to other places.

Young boys have an intense physical and mental demand. There's a reason, we only use Tupperware dishes, and only have a few pictures on the walls. There's a reason almost everything we own is half destroyed (or in the garage grave-yard.) Money aside, there's a reason we don't have nice furniture, beautifully decorated wall coverings/curtains, or nick-knacks adorning our home.

Then throw-in the financial limitations. Our idea of eating out is the McDonald's dollar menu with water and, occasionally, we'll really splurge and split some fries. Almost all of our furniture was given to us by family or others. We sport around with a ride to make anyone jealous: a used 2002 maroon Chevy Astro Van w/ four car seats, crumbs on the seat, crayons lost in the abyss of the seat cracks, smudges all over the inside of the tinted side windows, and a few scratches in the paint.

You won't find me at very many social events...except maybe Cub Scouts. We barely have the guts to take our kids to a family church potluck. I even have to battle to socialize with my wife. Just to mix much needed personal and together time, we end up doing a lot of 'parallel play': watch a DVD together on the couch, or blog side by side on two different computers, or I sleep while she reads a book in bed. Sometimes we just talk...its refreshing to not have to repeat everything at least three times and still be ignored (although, I'm not sure my wife could say that.)

So is a family worth sacrificing all of those 'freedoms' and 'luxuries'? Well, actually, most of my sacrifices are self-inflicted: I could demand my wife work, take my kids to day care, and leave my wife with the kids in the evenings while I go to play. I could even do a lot of good things like volunteer for a service organization or join a lot of service clubs.

However, why would I take all of that stuff, when I could be at home with my family to watch my family progress together through life. I only have my kids this close for about 18 years--that's not a lot of time to share with them. There is no greater education than having a family. There is no greater service than raising your own kids, in a safe haven, where they can learn and grow and feel secure. There is nothing better you can do for your community than to be a good family unit. Can there be any greater joy than helping your own children get as much out of life as you did and have a family experience of their own so they can continue to progress? There is a reason Heavenly Father organized His children's experience through life in families.

After working a job that took a lot of evenings and weekends and time away from my family, my time with family is precious to me. I've been trying to cut back on my extracurricular activities so I can be a part of my kid's life. To watch them do and say those funny things...or those amazingly intuitive things. Raising your kids is like giving you an opportunity to raise yourself again because you come face to face with your own demons. The great news is you can do it together with your spouse so no matter what life with kids throws at you, you have each other lean on. All of life's storms, fun times, great times, happy times, sad times, scary times, hopeful times, etc. are experienced in an environment of caring and security--where you can be yourself without feeling threatened. There is nothing you can't face together as a family.

What are you willing to personally sacrifice for the joy of your family?